Foundations of Biblical Counseling: Part 5

Understanding the Suffering Heart

“The condition of our souls, our physical bodies, our social circumstances, and demonic forces can create toil and pain in our lives, but always under the active, perfect, and sovereign will of God.”

In part 4 of this series, I shared the vital importance of centering the gospel in every counseling session. As counselors, our role is not to fix individuals or resolve every issue they face; rather, it is to guide them toward the One who has the capacity to heal and restore. We recognize that those who come to us often bear burdens, each stemming from the universal experience of suffering. This suffering, rooted in the fall in Genesis 3, is a part of the human condition, and we all encounter various forms of pain and hardship throughout our lives. It is crucial for us, as counselors, to gain a deeper understanding of suffering—its descent into despair and its potential ascent into joy (specific posts coming later). By doing so, we can walk alongside our counselees, helping them navigate their struggles and ultimately find hope and meaning in their experiences. 

The Scriptures acknowledge the many forms of suffering we endure, reminding us that our experiences are understood and valued. They guide us to reflect on our pain in the light of God’s comforting words, offering hope and perspective amidst our struggles. “In the Bible, suffering takes many forms: physical pain, frustrated hopes, depression, isolation, loneliness, grief, anxiety, spiritual crises, and more.” As heart-driven, spiritually embattled, socially embedded, and physically embodied beings, we often encounter pain and suffering from these integral aspects of life. In this entry, I want to highlight these four primary areas of suffering that we should be aware of. As counselors, it is essential for us to recognize these struggles and respond with compassion and grace, offering support in ways that reflect the gospel.

Heart Idols

I have heard it said, and I truly believe, that “Whatever rules the heart rules the life.” Although I’m not certain where that wisdom originated, the message resonates deeply: our hearts often hold dear idols that, if left unchecked, guide our lives in ways we may not intend. It’s a gentle reminder to guard our hearts with care, as they can lead us toward God or away from God. Let us approach this journey thoughtfully, ensuring that what we cherish most reflects our true values and desires. John Calvin, in his Institutes, describes human nature as being “a perpetual forge of idols.” In Jeremiah 17:9, the prophet states, “The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable—who can understand it?” Jesus likewise tells us, “But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person (Matt. 15:18).” The heart serves as the core of our thoughts, actions, words, and emotions. This is why, in every counseling session, we should gently seek to connect with the heart through the gospel, nurturing understanding and compassion in our interactions.

It can be incredibly comforting for those we counsel to recognize that our suffering does not dictate our actions, our identities, our feelings, or our responses to life’s challenges. Instead, it’s our heart’s orientation that influences these aspects of our lives (Matt. 6:21). We can reflect on two distinct orientations of the heart: one focused on the kingdom of self and the other on the kingdom of God. The kingdom of self often leads us to act, think, and feel with an intense focus on personal desires and the idols we hold dear. Conversely, when our hearts are set on the kingdom of God, we prioritize His kingdom above all else, allowing that divine focus to guide how we act, feel, and think, offering us a path to a richer, more fulfilling life. Thankfully, in Christ, our sinful and darkened hearts are being renewed and given new desires to pursue the kingdom of God.

As counselors, we have the privilege of listening to our counselees as they share their stories and experiences. With empathy and understanding, we attentively listen for the subtle signs that reveal which kingdom they are placing their trust in. “You can soon tell where a man’s treasure is by his talk. If it is in heaven, he will not be long with you before he’s talking about heaven; his heart is there, and so his speech isn’t long in running there, too.” D.L. Moody goes on to highlight the speech of a man whose heart is anchored in worldly pursuits and himself, revealing the deep connection between our conversations and our inner longing. A gentle yet profound key to supporting our counselees is to listen and help them re-orient their hearts toward the kingdom of God, guiding them to walk in the radiant light of Christ. With compassion and understanding, we can assist them on their journey back to what truly matters. We are truly a people driven by our hearts, but what influences our hearts?

The Spiritual Battle

David Powlison observes, “Spiritual warfare is a metaphor for standing on the Lord’s side in the epic struggle between the Lord and his enemies.” Paul reminds us in Ephesians 6:12, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” We need to gently remind ourselves and our counselees that not every struggle and trial we face is a result of spiritual warfare. Nevertheless, spiritual warfare is a real aspect of our lives, affecting each one of us in unique ways. It’s important that we equip ourselves for these challenges, as Paul beautifully elaborates in verses 13-20, providing guidance and support for our journey together. John Henderson provides a valuable reminder: “Our hearts are tested and exposed by this struggle. Our hearts are burdened and refined by this struggle. Yet our hearts are never determined by this struggle.”

I have mentioned Paul’s words in Ephesians 6:12-20, but let’s take a step back and look at verses 10-11. “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” Paul encourages everyone to draw strength from the Lord during times of spiritual warfare. This can be achieved by putting on the “armor of God” rather than relying on the various worldly methods or “pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps.” God has provided us with the true path to navigate the spiritual battles we all encounter. When someone we care about is facing such a struggle, it’s vital that we gently remind them of this truth and support them in finding the best ways to be strengthened in the Lord. In doing so, they will be better equipped to stand against the devil and his schemes. However, we must also recognize that we are both physical and spiritual beings; we face social and physical challenges as well. Let’s take a moment to consider the social aspect of our struggles, as it’s essential to address it with compassion and understanding.

The Social Battle

When engaging in conversations within a counseling room or simply discussing the challenges that others face, it’s common to hear sentiments like, “I am this way because I was raised this way,” or “I have felt rejected, which has led to my insecurity.” These expressions reflect the struggles many individuals experience, and they resonate deeply in the counseling context. While it’s true that aspects such as family dynamics, work environments, living situations, and societal roles can profoundly impact our emotional and spiritual well-being, it’s essential to recognize that they do not solely define our hearts or our potential for growth and healing. We are complex beings, shaped by experiences yet capable of resilience and change. So, we should recognize “that people are socially-embedded by God’s design and that a variety of historical, social, cultural, and family factors may impact moral response.” But, we must not let our counselees find their identity in these places.

It’s essential to remind our counselees that in Christ, our old selves have been put to death, crucified alongside Him (Gal. 2:20, 5:24). We must embrace the beautiful transformation, becoming new creations altogether (2 Cor. 5:17). Simply put, we are not bound by our past, our social circumstances, or the way we were raised. As physical beings, deeply influenced by our surroundings, we can either define ourselves by the world’s standards or embrace the loving standards set by God. “Therefore, one’s identity is either in Christ or not in Christ; each is either a child of God or a wayward orphan.” These things can influence us, but they cannot control us. They make it easier to dwell in the pain and suffering, but they do not ultimately determine how we think, feel, and act; only the heart does that. Therefore, we must guide our counselees into their new identity in Christ.

The Physical Battle

Lastly, let’s take a moment to acknowledge the physical aspect of pain and suffering. As physical beings, we inevitably encounter pain in our lives, and it’s important to recognize how deeply personal this experience can be. Both my daughter and I have faced significant bodily injuries that have left us with enduring physical pain; it’s a journey we navigate together and one that many others share as well.

Along with physical pain, we sometimes hear counselees attributing their addictions, depression, anxiety, and even homosexuality to a chemical imbalance or biological makeup. This viewpoint has emerged in response to the rise of secular psychology and the effort to understand the body outside of a biblical worldview. Ultimately, we must remember that it is the heart that drives these issues, not external factors. However, we also need to be careful not to dismiss everything as merely spiritual, as the body and its composition can significantly influence our lives and lead to other problems.

These physical challenges can weigh heavily on our hearts, leading some of us to feelings of despair. However, it’s crucial to remember that while the physical dimension can affect us, it does not solely dictate our emotional responses. Our hearts remain the guiding force in how we choose to respond to the challenges life presents us. With compassion and understanding, we can support one another in this shared human experience, harnessing the gospel and our new identities to navigate through the hardships we face. There is always hope in Christ as we focus on the eternal nature of our relationship with Him rather than merely concentrating on our circumstances. Revelation reminds us that one day all of the issues leading to suffering will be wiped away, and we will finally experience perfect peace alongside our heavenly Father.

In conclusion, when a counselee seeks our support, let us approach them with open hearts and attentive ears, striving to truly understand the depths of their suffering. We must gently guide our counselees to recognize that genuine transformation is within reach because God walks alongside us through every challenge. He has provided us with all the strength we need to confront the spiritual, social, and physical battles that come our way. It is also vital to lovingly remind our counselees that while these challenges may influence us, it is ultimately the condition of our hearts that shapes our reactions to them. In the next and last part, I will address some practical ways we guide our counselees into godly change.

Henderson, John. Equipped to Counsel. Association of Biblical Counselors. Pg. 173

Simundson, Daniel J. “Suffering.” The HarperCollins Bible Dictionary (Revised and Updated), edited by Mark Allan Powell, Third Edition, HarperCollins, 2011, p. 996.

Calvin, John. Institutes of the Christian Religion. Logos Bible Software, 1997. I.XI.8

Moody, D. L. Moody’s Stories: Being a Second Volume of Anecdotes, Incidents and Illustrations. Fleming H. Revell, 1899, p. 95.

Powlison, David. “Stand up to the Powers of Darkness.” The Journal of Biblical Counseling, vol. 31, no. 2, Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation, 2017, p. 26.

Henderson, John. Equipped to Counsel. Association of Biblical Counselors. Pg. 187

Powlison, David. “A Coalescing of Various Biblical Counseling Ministries.” The Journal of Biblical Counseling, vol. 32, no. 1, Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation, 2018, pp. 97–98.

Jones, Robert D., et al. The Gospel for Disordered Lives: An Introduction to Christ-Centered Biblical Counseling. B&H Academic, 2021, p. 483.