Resolving Conflict: A Path Forward

Conflict is Inevitable, Resolution is Commanded

In many instances within the realm of counseling, I frequently encounter individuals expressing difficulties in their relationships with others, particularly concerning their uncertainty on how to navigate such situations with love and grace. I am confident that if you have engaged in counseling or discipling others, you have likely encountered this scenario on multiple occasions. This phenomenon arises from the fact that conflict is a universal human experience as we strive to coexist harmoniously in a community.

Additionally, during discussions regarding these confrontational circumstances, one may hear individuals assert, “That’s just how I am!” However, it is imperative to clarify that conflict and confrontation, or the absence thereof, should not be attributed solely to individual personalities. Rather, it is our inherent sinfulness, rebellion, and desires that serve as the underlying catalysts for conflict, whether we are actively confronting it or exhibiting passivity.

The gospel presents us with a comprehensive solution, endowing us with both the power and a framework for resolving conflict in all circumstances we may encounter throughout our lives. Through the lens of Christ’s humility, love, and self-sacrifice, displayed for fallen and rebellious beings, we gain insight into how we should address the conflicts in our lives and assist others in doing likewise. This article will explore the ways in which the gospel equips us to navigate conflicts.

The Gospel-Centered Foundation of Conflict Resolution

To possess a gospel-centered perspective on conflict resolution necessitates that we, at a minimum, consider our conflicts in three distinct ways. Firstly, we must scrutinize our conflicts through the lens of God’s sovereignty and grace, which are present in our lives. If we hold the belief that God is sovereign and orchestrates all events according to His will (Rom. 2:6) and for our ultimate benefit (Rom. 8:28), it follows that even our conflicts are integral to God’s divine plan. Through Christ, we have been granted the highest form of grace and forgiveness; thus, we too must extend grace and forgiveness towards others (Col. 3:12-14).

Secondly, we have Jesus Christ as our exemplary model of humility, self-sacrifice, and reconciliation (Phil. 2:5-7; 2 Cor. 5:16-20). Jesus Christ is the ultimate peacemaker between sinful humanity and our holy God. Similarly, as Christians, we are called to emulate His example, and through the power of the Holy Spirit, we are equipped to do so. While no individual will achieve perfection in this endeavor prior to entering heaven due to our sinful natures, through progressive sanctification, we improve in our efforts over time.

Third, it is imperative that we begin to look at our hearts as the source of conflict, rather than perpetually seeking to externalize blame. The transformation of the heart, as opposed to mere behavioral modification, should always remain our objective. James 4:1-3 reveals a poignant truth regarding our disputes; they stem from the heart. Factors such as pride, selfishness, anger, and personal desires significantly contribute to the conflicts we encounter in life.

By viewing our conflicts through a biblical perspective, we enable authentic transformation and efficient resolution in all situations. Placing Jesus at the core of our thoughts and actions will serve as the fundamental key to all change. Having established our understanding of conflict, let us now explore several methods for progressing in conflict situations.

Biblical Principles for Peacemaking: Practical Steps from Scripture

Here are six principles for everyday conflict resolution:

• Look Inward First: (Matthew 7:3-5; 1 John 1:8-9)

  • The first step in any conflict resolution is to evaluate the situation honestly and take responsibility for your part in the conflict. As sinful individuals, we do and say sinful things, and we must acknowledge that before confronting others about their own sins. It is that “log in the eye” thing that Jesus talks about.

• Pursue Peace Proactively: (Romans 12:18; Hebrews 12:14)

  • We must also actively pursue reconciliation with humility and a desire for change. As believers, we are called to “pursue peace” with everyone rather than to avoid it at all costs. We should seek to pursue reconciliation sooner rather than later, and not allow it to fester into something much bigger and more painful.   

• When to Overlook, When to Confront: (1 Peter 4:8)

  • Not everything requires a major confrontation. There are issues we can overlook in love, while some potentially sinful actions must be addressed, also in love. Minor annoyances and offenses can be reconciled with love and understanding, but sins against one another need to be confronted. Here, discernment is essential.

• The Matthew 18 Process: (Matthew 18:15-17)

  • Matthew 18 illustrates a method of conflict resolution when a brother or sister in Christ is unwilling to pursue reconciliation. Matters of sin are serious, and the church should become involved when one or both parties refuse to strive for restoration in the conflict.

• Communicate with Grace & Truth: (James 1:19-20; Ephesians 4:25)

  • Actively listening to understand is a crucial aspect of conflict resolution. We should be quick to listen so we can grasp what is truly happening and slow to speak about what we don’t understand. When it’s time to speak, we must remember to speak the truth in love and not be aggressive towards others.

• The Power of Forgiveness: (Mark 11:25)

  • True forgiveness is not about forgetting that something happened. Instead, true forgiveness involves releasing any resentment, bitterness, and hostility toward someone, choosing not to dwell on what they did or to bring it up again in future confrontations. It is about pursuing reconciliation and seeking a healthy way forward.

Conclusion: Called to Be Peacemakers

Embodying our identity in Christ entails acting as peacemakers (Matt. 5:9). Each of us, reconciled to God through the person and work of Jesus Christ, is entrusted with the ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:16-21). This reconciliation ultimately pertains to the salvation of souls; however, it also addresses the reconciliation needed in our daily conflicts while coexisting with one another. We are presented with a significant opportunity to demonstrate the love of Christ to those in our vicinity!

It is essential to recognize that conflict resolution is not an overnight process. Instead, conflict resolution is a lifelong endeavor, as we gradually improve through the influence of the Spirit bestowed upon our hearts (Acts 10:45). As we delve deeper into the gospel and its implications for life and godliness, we shall experience transformation in our hearts and minds, resulting in fruitful outcomes even amidst conflicts.

Therefore, do not avoid conflict; instead, embrace it in accordance with biblical principles for the glory of God. Place your trust in Christ and the transformative power of the Holy Spirit to facilitate change and reconciliation. Keep in mind that God utilizes conflict as a means to shape and mold you into the likeness of His Son. These represent positive developments for us to anticipate.      

Call to Action: What is one conflict in your life you can address today using a biblical principle? How might biblical counseling help you navigate complex relational challenges?