Shepherding the Shepherd: A Framework for Pastor-to-Pastor Soul Care

In 2025, Lifeway conducted research among rural pastors that revealed some sobering realities: 47% said they carry the weight of other people's pain themselves, 43% struggle to disengage and relax, 40% regularly feel exhausted, and 39% struggle to take a weekly day of rest. Even more concerning, 26% described themselves as actively experiencing burnout and trying to hang on, while another 26% reported experiencing loneliness in life and ministry.[1] Under the weight of exhaustion, isolation, and the relentless demands of ministry, pastors can become tempted to settle for shortcuts in their own discipleship and in the care they offer others, adopting what Dietrich Bonhoeffer terms “cheap grace,” a form of discipleship that masks sin and leads people to become more reliant on “self-forgiveness” rather than true forgiveness and transformation.[2]

In this, there is a trap set for pastors; it is the trap of externalism. There is a real temptation for pastors to rest in their theological knowledge, instruct others in spiritual disciplines, and put forth a spiritual façade while their own hearts remain untended and starved. We are good at telling others how to live, counseling, and explaining doctrines, but we are really bad at being known, the way we expect our people to be known. Healthy church leadership requires an intentional, gospel-centered framework of elder-to-elder care that moves beyond routine administrative duties to mutual confession, a biblical model of “conferencing,” and cross-bearing discipleship.

Costly Grace, Union with Christ, and Pastoral Self-Watch

Pastoral-to-Pastor Discipleship

Something all pastors need to remember is that they are first and foremost disciples of Christ, but they also need the wisdom, accountability, and discipleship of other pastors who are more mature and seasoned in the work of ministry. Without this discipleship, as Bonhoeffer says, we risk “costly grace becoming cheap grace.”[3] Keith Johnson describes this discipleship as a life that reflects the very life of Christ, in his self-denial and self-sacrifice, where we deny ourselves, pick up our crosses, and follow after Christ (Mark 10:43-44).[4] It is a form of discipleship in which we put the temptation toward isolation to death and make ourselves known to others who can adequately care for our souls, just as we seek to care for the souls of others and, ultimately, as Jesus himself cares for us.

Theology as Mutual Discipleship

Another point for pastors to keep in mind is that all of that theology they are learning isn’t so much to build themselves up, as it should be used to build up others. Practical theology is not an intellectual exercise with a goal of personal prestige, but the goal of a life of discipleship lived out together in union with Christ.[5] Mature theological knowledge is meant to be shared, not in self-defense, but in humble, self-sacrificial service to those around you; this is the iron sharpening iron concept (Prov. 27:17). I love this reminder from Augustine: “And let us look upon this purification as a kind of journey or voyage to our native land. For it is not by change of place that we can come nearer to Him who is in every place, but by the cultivation of pure desires and virtuous habits.”[6] Augustine is making the point that we are all on this journey to our homeland, not in isolation, but together as we grow and cultivate “pure desires and virtuous habits.” Pastors need other pastors to grow with and walk through this life with.

Pastoral Self-Watch

Lastly, pastors need to be mindful of their own sinful desires and the temptations that so often come after them. As pastors, we are charged with the work of taking heed to the entire flock, not just a few of them, and this can be exhausting.[7] Often, this sort of exhaustion and overwork causes us to neglect our own hearts and sinful desires, leaving us vulnerable to the very temptations we so cautiously warn others against. We must be diligent in keeping our hearts open before God, lest all our work become hypocritical.[8] This is best done before others and alongside others who recognize the same temptations and bear the same burdens in their own work.

Richard Baxter notes, “To have a constant companion to open your heart to, and join with in prayer, and edifying conference, and faithfully help you against your sins, and yet to be patient with you in your frailties, is a mercy, which worldlings neither deserve nor value.”[9] To have a faithful partner in discipleship, someone you can open up to, pray with, learn with, and grow with in your own ministry, is such a God-given mercy and blessing that is far too often taken for granted. Pastors are people, just like everyone else, and we need to have our hearts shepherded just like everyone else.

Dissecting the Pastoral Heart

Operating from Scripture

If we believe Scripture is sufficient to equip God's people for every good work (2 Tim. 3:16-17), then pastors should expect the Word to expose and address our own motives, struggles, desires, and need for sanctification. Scripture, when we are rooted in its rich truths, helps us move beyond surface-level administrative performance and address the desires, fears, and subtle idolatries that tend to rule a pastor's heart. David Powlison reminds us that the human heart “has to do with God,” and it is Scripture that helps us diagnose and describe what is happening in the heart.[10]

Confessional Realism

Confessional theology recognizes the remaining corruption within all of us (1689 2LBCF, 13:2), including pastors, that results in the continuous war between flesh and Spirit. Sometimes we forget that we are people just like everyone else, and sometimes our flock forgets that we are just normal people who battle with sin and temptations like everyone else. We need tangible reminders of this reality. There are times when we can fall into grievous sins, give in to temptations, and grieve the Spirit, but through Christ, we can be brought back to repentance and a renewed grace, to persevere to the end (1689 2LBCF, 18:3). Pastors can use these reminders to help one another.

Avoiding Pastoral Pitfalls in Peer Counseling

David Powlison gives us this reminder: “It’s a biblicist idolatry, if we want to put it that way. It’s viewing ministry as a kind of black box: stick in the problem; spit back a verse.”[11] We have to be careful not to fall into the trap of biblicism, spitting out verses without actually understanding the other person or the problems they might be facing; we don’t do this in counseling, and we shouldn’t do this with other pastors. The danger is not taking Scripture too seriously, but using Scripture superficially, offering biblical words without doing the patient work of understanding the person to whom those words must be applied. We need to be able to listen to one another, enter each other’s stories, and seek to truly understand what is happening, so that we can give a better, more faithful response. Above all, we must remember to point each other, in all our situations, to the gospel of Jesus Christ and his renewing grace for us.

Diagnostic Prompts

Here are a few diagnostic questions you can try asking next time you sit down and meet with another pastor:

1.  What is God saying to your soul through His Word this week?

2.  What particular truth or promise from God's Word do you need to believe and rest in right now?

3.  Where are you feeling the subtle pull of worldliness, weariness, or self-justification?

4.  How can we, as brothers in Christ, pray for your heart, your marriage, your ministry, and your rest?

Practical Implementations

Restructuring the Session Schedule

One of the easiest ways we can begin to shape how elders care for one another is to dedicate the first 30-45 minutes of your next elder meeting to simply asking some heart-level questions, having mutual accountability, attentiveness, and prayer for one another.[12] Check in on one another and seek to care for one another before you ever begin to look towards the administrative duties of the meeting. We can also begin to schedule quarterly pastoral reflection times to simply reflect on what God has been doing, what our members have been doing, and how we can better help each other grow.

Fostering Peer Mentoring

Another simple way to move forward in elder-to-elder care is to pair older pastors with younger pastors (if possible). Joanne Jung, speaking of the practice of conference, says, “The investment of an older minister’s time and attention into the lives of younger ministers portrays a cross-generational commitment.”[13] This can even be done with pastors outside of your own congregation as we seek to build cross-generational care and wisdom-sharing among like-minded churches. Find other local pastors in other churches and form small groups where genuine discussion, prayer, and care can be a focus of the group. We are not competitors fighting over members; we are brothers laboring together for the advance of Christ's kingdom and the proclamation of his gospel.

Cultivating a Culture of Prayer and Tenderness

Richard Baxter reminds pastors of the importance of prayer when he says: “Prayer must carry on our work as well as preaching; he preacheth not heartily to his people, that will not pray for them. If we prevail not with God to give them faith and repentance, we are unlikely to prevail with them to believe and repent.”[14] But this sort of prayer is not just for our members. As pastors, we must learn to pray for one another and for other pastors in our communities as well. This sort of commitment to prayer for one another shows a tenderheartedness that should be a driving force of our ministry, not only for the people sitting in our pews, but also for pastors and churches throughout our communities.[15]

Conclusion

Pastors need pastors. We need brothers who know our weaknesses, recognize our temptations, pray for our marriages and ministries, confront our sin, remind us of Christ, and walk beside us through the ordinary burdens of shepherding God's people. If I could offer one challenge to pastors, it would be this: repent of functional isolation, unmask before one another, and commit to shepherding each other's hearts so that the flock of God might flourish under humble, healthy, Christ-dependent leadership.

[1] “Rural Church Pastors Face Obstacles with Optimism, According to Lifeway Research,” Lifeway Newsroom, October 23, 2025, https://news.lifeway.com/2025/10/23/rural-church-pastors-face-obstacles-with-optimism-according-to-lifeway-research/ (accessed September 1, 2026).

[2] Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Discipleship, ed by. Green Barnett, Victoria J. Barbara and Reinhard Krauss, Reader’s Edition., Dietrich Bonhoeffer Works (Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Press, 2015), 29.

[3] Bonhoeffer, Discipleship, 10.

[4] Keith L. Johnson, Theology as Discipleship (Chicago: InterVarsity Press, 2015), 138.

[5] Johnson, Theology as Discipleship, 34.

[6] Augustine of Hippo, “On Christian Doctrine,” in St. Augustin’s City of God and Christian Doctrine, ed. Philip Schaff, trans. J. F. Shaw, vol. 2, A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church, First Series (Buffalo, NY: Christian Literature Company, 1887), 525.

[7] Richard Baxter and William Orme, The Practical Works of the Rev. Richard Baxter, vol. 14 (London: James Duncan, 1830), 76.

[8] Baxter and Orme, The Practical Works of the Rev. Richard Baxter, 14:120.

[9] Baxter, Richard, “A Christian Directory,” Part I – Chapter II - XVII

[10] David Powlison, “Cure of Souls (and the Modern Psychotherapies),” The Journal of Biblical Counseling 25, no. 2 (2007): 24.

[11] David Powlison, Dissecting the Heart: Secular Psychology, Spiritual Warfare, and True Theology, ed by. Taylor Hibbs (Pennsylvania: Westminster Seminary Press, 2026).

[12] Joanne J. Jung, The Lost Discipline of Conversation: Surprising Lessons in Spiritual Formation Drawn from the English Puritans (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2018), 132.

[13] Jung, The Lost Discipline of Conversation, 130.

[14] Baxter and Orme, The Practical Works of the Rev. Richard Baxter, 14:125.

[15] Baxter and Orme, The Practical Works of the Rev. Richard Baxter, 14:128–129.